why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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