If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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