I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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