Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
