he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
