I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
