Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
