sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
