You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
