I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
