we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
