so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
