Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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