if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
