Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize