If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
