I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
