whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
