I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
