You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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