So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
only you would photoshop your dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
