The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alive.
So much puke
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
