i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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