im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
