her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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