We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
