I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
