You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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