I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
