I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
