Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
