I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
