His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
