She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
