You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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