she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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