i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
