I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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