i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
