Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
