I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
