I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I believe in your delicious
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
