dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
