Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it glows. i had to have it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
