Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
