any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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