sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
