Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
