Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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