i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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