Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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