the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
