you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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