I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
