Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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