Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
