Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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