He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
