Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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