it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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