so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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