Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
