so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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