She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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