I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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