Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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