i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
