Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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