you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
