i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You left your phone here
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