she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize