I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
