You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Couch. On fire.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
