Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
