I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
as a side note pls kill me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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