You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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